EMR's can be the most exciting
kind of relationship
They are full of the sweetness
of the forbidden fruit.They are energized by the adrenaline rush of clandestine
meetings where every moment is so hard earned, that no one ever
has a "headache", and then, when he becomes insufferable, you
can send him home to his wife. They can also be the most painful:
There is never as much time
as you would like to be together, the time is always too short,
and there are too many restrictions, and then he goes home to
someone else. The attitude and outlook that you maintain can play
an enormous role in how you will feel about being in your EMR.Not everyone is cut out be involved
with a married person and be happy; it takes a certain type of
personality, someone who can live with not being his #1 priority,
and one who is not particularly jealous by nature. An ability
to share and a willingness to try to stick to the following rules
There will be many things that
you can never be 100 % certain about and you must be able to accept
that. If you are the type who will lose sleep worrying about things
like whether or not he is having sex with his wife, you will end
up with bags under your eyes. The irony of EMR's is no matter
what reasons or justifications we give ourselves for getting involved
with someone who is married (or for cheating on our spouse), we
eventually become emotionally involved. And then it becomes even
harder to stick to these rules. The more we are able to accept
the situation for what it is and follow the rules, the better
the chances of continuing the EMR without discovery and the happier
we will be in it. In spite of the hope that perhaps bringing the
EMR into the open will improve things, it is rarely so; therefore,
many of the rules are designed to maintain the secrecy of the
So here are the 10 commandments
and the GOLDEN RULE of EMR's:
The 10 Commandments:
1) Never expect him to leave his
W, he might, some do, but don't expect it.
And if he does leave, don't
expect a fairy tale ending. There will always be a lot of baggage
and many problems to face.
2) Enjoy every minute you are
together, waste none of that time arguing and whining (remember,
he can always go home and listen to his wife nag if that's what
he wants to hear).
3) Be prepared for the fact that
he may stand you up and not come by or call when you are expecting
him to.His wife
and/or family may, at anytime without notice, make plans for him
that will interfere with yours.
4) Be prepared for the fact that,
if he gets caught, at the very least he may need to cool it with
you for awhile or in the worst case scenario, it will be over
5) Remember that there are at
least 3 people involved in every EMR and one is an unwilling and
unknowing participant. Be prepared for the fact that, if she finds
out about it, his wife may want to confront you and ask questions
about the EMR including why you went ahead and got involved knowing
he is married.
6) Never put it in writing or
on tape. That includes: letters, cards, e-mail, voice mail, videos,
photos, and any other permanent record that could outlive the
EMR or be found by someone and serve as proof of the relationship.
7) Never go out in public on a
"date", and when in places with other people, such as work, be
careful not to let them see the chemistry between the two of you.
8) Never involve others in keeping
the secret or covering for the two of you.
Sooner or later, someone
will develop a conscience and decide that they need to inform
9) Be very careful of the types
of gifts you give the married person, they should always be something
he would reasonably buy for himself.
10) Be careful about wearing perfumes
or makeup that will leave traces on him.
Even using the same scent,
as his wife can be a problem, as the same perfume will smell differently
on different people. And always make sure he washes up before
The Golden Rule:
Remember always that, until
the divorce papers are signed and it's all finalized, he is married
to someone else.