Swinging News Mayoralty
Mayoralty Candidate Joe Quimby Denies Bribery Allegations; Announces Campaign -- Springfield Mayor Promises Animated Campaign
TORONTO, Oct. 23 /CNW/ - Diamond Joe Quimby flat-out denies being the individual that allegedly offered a six-figure bribe to opponent John Nunziata to withdraw his candidacy for Toronto's mayor, he announced today. Hey, I'm in the business of taking bribes, not making them, the colourful candidate said. In the same breath, Quimby announced his last-minute candidacy for mayor. Better late than never, huh? Quimby's Web site, www.votequimby.ca, will go live tomorrow and will offer platform information as well as free campaign buttons to supporters. A mayor of Springfield for at least nine terms (Hey, who's counting? he says), Quimby promises to make his run for the big show in Toronto an animated race. Forget about incinerators, island airports and highway tolls (Bo-ring, says Quimby), the mayoral hopeful's platform rests on putting the O back in Toronto (whatever the hell that means). Quimby supports a casino in the city (So I can grow fat off kick backs and slush funds), a gas tax to fund a City Hall happy hour, and a registry for lobbyists (It's always good to know where the money is.) Known to viewers of The Simpsons as an illiterate, tax-cheating, wife- swapping, pot-smoking, spend-o-crat, Quimby says he has cleaned up his act. I am no longer illiterate, he said. Knowing that he won't be invited to any all-candidates debates, Quimby has purchased airtime on The Comedy Network in the days leading up to the municipal election. His Vote Quimby-a-Thon will air during Friday, Nov. 7 through Monday, Nov. 10 at 9 p.m. ET on The Comedy Network.
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